Sometimes being single sucks.

Met the parents today after lunch, had a drink with them outside 'Mr Thomas's Chop House' in St Annes square. Then went for afternoon tea at the Lowry and a little later a chinese.

(I highly recommend 2 chinese restaurants in Manchester. The Red Chilli or Mr Wings. The popular choice should you ask anybody would be the Yang Sing, but in my humble opinion it is tired and old. Mr Wings in slike a western-ised chinese restaurant. Fantastic food but western decor and music. The Red Chilli is always full of chinese people which speaks for itself.)

I digress.

After the meal I said goodnight to them and decided to take a slow walk through the village.

The village was bustling. Outside the Rem I heard a huge 'BANG' and looked up to see a fire work display.

Night of Lights I think it was called.

I paused and stood and watched the explosions of colour, blue pink and silver diamonds exploding in the night sky over Manchester.

Tasting life spectacular before fading into oblivion.

I stood there and my gaze fell earthward to the people around me. I looked at a couple across the way from me, one guy standing behind the other with is arms folded around his waist and nibbling on his ear.

And I was hit with a pang jealousy.

I've had boyfriends. Clive was the first - uptight musician but big and cuddly. Too queeny.

Then there was DamienTheBastard who ripped me off for £3k.

Then there was Colm.

Colm. I fell heavy and hard for Colm. He was what I wanted in a guy;older, moderately successful, very intelligent, great crowd of interesting friends and an expert cocksucker. Colm loved sex first thing in the morning and for a year I started every day by riding his ass.

He dropped the bombshell that he didn't love me so that was that. My heart was truly broken and it took me a long time to get over Colm.

Then there was Al. Al was a great guy, younger than me by a couple of years. He taught me to be a bottom and I loved it. My ass was hungry for him.

If you have never known the pleasure of being penetrated, the slight pain and then the pure feeling of ecstasy as he pumps you then you need to bend over. Take a whiff of poppers and OH MY GOD.

While I was seeing Al I shared a house with a straight guy. He was out one afternoon and I was on my knee's blowing Al in the kitchen. His endowment was magnificent. But it wasn't quite right, it wasn't meant to be. I loved having sex with him but I didn't love him so I broke it off.

Then there was JJ from Spain. Truly lovely guy but the sex was crap. Mutual Masturbation - or Bambisex was the order of the day and for me, that wasn't enough.

I first got off with a guy when I was Sixteen, but thats another blog.

Part of me likes being single, I like the independence. I like watching what i want to watch on TV. I like sleeping in until midday and then vegging in front of the TV for the rest of the day with no pressure to get dressed or wash up or do anything.

I have the freedom that is denied most men, I can leave the toilet seat UP.

The other part of me wants to be with that special guy, standing beneath the firewoks wrapped in his arms as he nuzzles my neck. Part of me wants to be half of something that is greater than me. I need more than a lover, I need a companion, somebody who will stimulate my loins as well as my brain, who will put up with my bullshit and love me anyway.

Tall order, isn't it?